New Life Recovery and Coaching – Purpose and Goals

This WordPress.com site is about ovevrcoming substance abuse/dependence and life coaching. It focuses on the recovery process and regaining control of one's life and moving forward with success.

Archive for the category “Life Coaching”

Equanimity

I find that equanimity is something that is not published a great amount of time.   This seems kind of odd to me, because it is something that covers a vast amount of well-being with not only the psychological stability of an individual, but it also has many spiritual and emotional  benefits as well.

As a society we tend to firmly believe in a particular religious outlook, while dismissing the integrity and spiritual application of others’ beliefs.  I have as well.  Over the last several months I have been experiencing an exceptional amount of spiritual and cognitive dissonance over how to study, interpret, and fully understand spirituality.  I have firmly held onto Christian beliefs, studied Buddhism, and relished in some Taoism.  While doing this, I couldn’t help but to believe that they must all have something in common, other than  less than the appreciation of the other.

So why mention this?  Many times it is important to understand our spiritual outlook on life – and others’.  If it is believed that we don’t fit into a particular social or religious category and we feel that we need to be labeled as one of the them, perhaps we tend to limit our perspectives from what is considered an acceptable societal member.  Maybe it is a family tradition, maybe it is marital, community, or a workplace attempt to fit into a particular religious mold.  Is this a healthy stand to take?  Perhaps, but is it a limited view of our surroundings?

What is in common?  I have attached an interesting article from a web search  that cuts across religious boundaries to apply equanimity.  I hope others find this interesting and at least, a bit applicable.  While it is only a single representation of similarities of differing spiritual beliefs, I believe that it is a beneficial read in which to partake.  Equanimity represents the many emotional, spiritual, and physical thoughts that are involved in individualistic peace and well-being.

I welcome all comments!!

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/50320480/Equanimity.pd

Mike

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Equanimity

I find that equanimity is something that is not published a great amount of time.   This seems kind of odd to me, because it is something that covers a vast amount of well-being with not only the psychological stability of an individual, but it also has many spiritual and emotional  benefits as well.

As a society we tend to firmly believe in a particular religious outlook, while dismissing the integrity and spiritual application of others’ beliefs.  I have as well.  Over the last several months I have been experiencing an exceptional amount of spiritual and cognitive dissonance over how to study, interpret, and fully understand spirituality.  I have firmly held onto Christian beliefs, studied Buddhism, and relished in some Taoism.  While doing this, I couldn’t help but to believe that they must all have something in common, other than  less than the appreciation of the other.

So why mention this?  Many times it is important to understand our spiritual outlook on life – and others’.  If it is believed that we don’t fit into a particular social or religious category and we feel that we need to be labeled as one of the them, perhaps we tend to limit our perspectives from what is considered an acceptable societal member.  Maybe it is a family tradition, maybe it is marital, community, or a workplace attempt to fit into a particular religious mold.  Is this a healthy stand to take?  Perhaps, but is it a limited view of our surroundings?

What is in common?  I have attached an interesting article from a web search  that cuts across religious boundaries to apply equanimity.  I hope others find this interesting and at least, a bit applicable.  While it is only a single representation of similarities of differing spiritual beliefs, I believe that it is a beneficial read in which to partake.  Equanimity represents the many emotional, spiritual, and physical thoughts that are involved in individualistic peace and well-being.

I welcome all comments!!

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/50320480/Equanimity.pd

Mike

Co-Dependence and Addiction

Like many psychological terms co-dependence is thrown around with perhaps little understanding.  Co-dependence is considered a disorder that involves  psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, typically some type of addiction; and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.  It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.  How many times have we seen this type of scenario on LMN or some other type of television show or series.  The typical story is that of the housewife that succumbs to the alcohol or drug abusing , work-a-holic husband who they both believe (or is) is the breadwinner and head of the household so he holds all of the reins of a satisfactory life.  With this decided status he chooses to attempt to exert control, while she passively stands by and accepts the abuse dished to her.  In some cases this may be the accepted norm of the traditional relational situation.

I use a male/female relationship only as an example, and while I refer to the husband/wife scenario above, co-dependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.  Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.

With many of my postings, I am indebted to psychcentral.com for their wealth of information at just  the right times.  They provide several facts of a co-dependent behavior.  These are:

  • taking responsibility f or someone else’s actions
  • worrying or carrying the burden f or others’ problems
  • covering up to protect others f rom reaping the consequences of their poor choices
  • doing more than is required at your job or at home to earn approval
  • feeling obligated to do what others expect without consulting one’s own needs
  • manipulating others’ responses instead of accepting them at f ace value
  • being suspicious of receiving love, not f eeling “worthy” of being loved in a relationship based on need, not out of mutual respect
  • trying to solve someone else’s problems, or trying to change someone
  • life being directed by external rather than internal cues (“should do” vs. “want to do”)
  • enabling someone to take our time or resources without our consent
  • neglecting our own needs in the process of caring for someone who does not want to care for themselves

With all of the technical stuff mentioned, I would like to introduce who I believe is a leader for publications in this field: Melody Beattie.  In my world she is the pioneer in exploring this concept.  If there has been any reason for those wondering about this concept and have not read Codependent No More, it is time to read it.  It was written several years ago, but I will guarantee that it will move you.  If not, please feel free to give me negative feedback on this post.

The key to repairing and ending codependency is to start protecting and nurturing ourselves. That might sound like a selfish act, but it will return us to a place of balance. Others will understand that we now respect and are protecting ourselves from over commitment or abuse.  An interesting thing about the mention of balance, it is the nature of species and the environment to continually strive to achieve balance.  Right?

Mike

 

Worrying

Worrying is an emotion that consumes a massive amount of time in many of our lives.  We worry about:

  1. Paying bills
  2. Acceptance into social events
  3. Work performance
  4. Academic performance
  5. Relational acceptance
  6. Meeting deadlines
  7. Weight
  8. Height
  9. Sporting performance
  10. And the list goes on and on

So why do we worry?  There are as many reasons as there are individuals.  We fear life and death itself.  According to the Psychology Today website, “worrying can also pertain to wanting to be perceived by the world as we wish.   And desiring to see ourselves as we want to be seen. When we are heavily invested in projecting and maintaining a certain image or persona to others, we must be ever-watchful and guarded about that particular persona being penetrated and seen through.  We worry about being exposed.  Being known. Found out, as, for example, in the so-called “imposter syndrome.”   Being judged.   Criticized.   And we worry about knowing ourselves.  About being confronted with who and what we truly are.  We humans innately harbor a primal fear of the unconscious, the unknown, and of what C.G. Jung termed the shadow.”

Probably one of the most applicable books that I have read that comprehensively addresses these taxing emotional feelings that we experience is Max Lucado’s Traveling Light.  He addresses the “what ifs” that we toss around in our minds for perhaps hours on end, ironically when there is typically nothing that can be done about the situation(s).  I would encourage considering reading this for anyone who suffers from worrying.  I know that it is an easy emotion to harbor, and not release.  That is one of the reasons that I chose to write about it.  Worrying never added a minute to anyone’s life, but has probably subtracted from it.

So with all that said, the common question is how do we prevent the worrying emotion?  I don’t believe that it can be prevented completely.  It probably provides an instinctual process that signals our sympathetic nervous system to act as if we need to “fight or flee” and trigger our autonomic nervous system to function so as to provide energy for such an occasion.  But that is not how we want to operate in life: with stress and anxiety.  There are techniques and exercises that can help prevent the unproductive emotion of compulsive worrying.  I have linked a couple of APA blogs that may be helpful.  The challenge to many is actually acknowledge that worrying is hindering some part of productivity or joy that life may have to offer, and want to address it productively.

I have used planning techniques that prevent worrying about meeting deadlines, address situations upfront rather than letting them simmer until something more undesirable than the actual event happens, and continually accept yourself and surroundings.  All of this sounds so simple in words, I know.  It does not come easy, and it takes a lot of courage and patience.  And I would be ecstatic if just this posting helped many people, but it takes work – which is well worth the effort.  When something doesn’t go as planned, few of these are actually life altering or threatening.  This is a challenging process for so many, and I hope that this information is at least somewhat enlightening.

As always, I welcome comments.

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/50320480/Stop%20Worrying.pdf

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/50320480/psychcentral.com-How_to_Stop_Worrying_about_Worrying.pdf

New Life for 2013 – Stop Haters from Derailing Your Recovery

Frequently I see articles that catch my eye on various sites and blogs.  This one caught my eye, because it is real for many who are considering changing an addictive behavior.  It is in line with the postings that I have done for the stages of behavioral change.

One of the most challenging efforts for getting sober is losing the crowd that one has identified with for several years.  I have often said that almost anyone can get sober.  The challenge is how to stay that way.  So often it requires re-learning one’s identity and how to function in non-drug/alcohol surroundings.  The ways to accomplish this are as many as there are individuals wishing to get, and stay sober.

Take a look at the link.  This is often one of the beginning challenges of staying on track with recovery.

Stop Haters from Derailing your Recovery!!

As always visit http://www.newliferc.com for additional information.

Mike

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